Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just puked most of my soul out..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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