Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
