just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
