haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
