Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
