it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He felt like a one man threesome
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
