So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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