I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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