were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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