you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
