my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
