there's paper in my vomit.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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