I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
