I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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