i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
