she is the kim kardashian of front butts
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
