I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
