I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
