We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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