On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
