You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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