Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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