I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
