Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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