Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Non-Jews are for practice
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
