saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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