why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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