this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize