thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
