...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
