He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
