So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
