Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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