i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
