he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
