it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
