No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
