Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
