tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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