Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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