If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
