she kept yelling 'call me bella'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
