Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
