Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
