Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
