How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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