Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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