i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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