I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
