I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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