Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
