Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So squirting runs in the family.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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