At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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