Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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