you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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