How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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