3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
