apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This girl is more easily done than said...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
