i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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