Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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