He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
