plz talk dirty to me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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