I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
