I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
