i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
