do herpes really smell.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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