By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm like, not good at living.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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