I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
