Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
